It’s OK to Want What You Want

What do you want?

Human beings were put on this planet to create! If we are not creating, we are stagnating and atrophying. Our “wants” are an individualized expression of our unique DNA, and they happen to be a beautiful vehicle for creating.

Give your wants some context. What do you want in your relationships? In your home environment? In your free time? In your career projects? In your work culture? In your finances? In your health? In your wardrobe? In your dinner tonight?

Some people use the term “goals” or “intentions” for “wants.” Whichever word you choose, think about what it is that you want to focus on creating. And, if you’re already regularly giving time to your “wants,” revisit them, refresh them, and give them some loving attention.

Why We Stop Ourselves from Wanting What We Want

Two possible suspects:

  • The How is Missing: When we consider what it is we want, and we don’t yet have it, our brains can immediately go in search of HOW to get what we want. If we have not been able to get what we want previously, the brain says, “no route to that destination—abort mission!”

    Coaching Tip: Never begin with HOW. Always start with the WHAT, and follow that with a WHY—why is this WANT meaningful to me. Once a clear vision is in place (WHAT), backed by meaningful values (WHY), it’s easier to perk up our attention and creativity and connections with others to figure out the HOW

  • The Ego Gets in the Way: As humans, we can easily succumb to peer pressure, even as adults. We think a lot about what other people think of us. Will they approve of what we want? And if they don’t approve of our choices, will they disrupt our relationship in some way—gossip about us, criticize, ostracize?

    Coaching Tip: Be compassionately curious about these relationships. Ask yourself, “What is the meaning I assign when [name of person] disapproves of what I want?” And, “when I think about that disapproval, what do I default to in terms of thoughts, feelings, and ensuing behaviors?” Mindful self-compassion is a great place to start creating different default thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

    Go Forth and Want

    As you finish out this day or look to tomorrow, what is it that you really want? The world needs your wants (and so do you). Put your thumbprint on your life, and on this planet!

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