Stop Caring about What You Don’t Care About

I binged on TEDx Talks this past weekend. One title really caught my attention:

“The Magic of Not Giving a F***”

My apologies, in advance, if the title is offensive. If it is, replace the unpleasantry with the word “care,” as in “The Magic of Not Caring” But I happened to appreciate the f-word because of its shock value. It wakes me up and makes me pay attention.

And that’s what a lot of us need to do. Pay attention. Pay attention to what we’re caring about, or what we’re not realizing we’re caring about that we really don’t care about. (Could you follow that!?!)

Because when we don’t care about something but we pretend we do care about it, we feel obligated, put upon, frustrated, and out-of-sync with ourselves.

So I made myself a list. Here’s what I don’t want to care about, that I do care about, that I wish I didn’t care about:

– I don’t care if my mother disagrees with me.
– I don’t care if my dear friend thinks I’m not spiritual enough.
– I don’t care if I disappoint a neighbor by saying no to her invitation.
– I don’t care if I offend someone when my comment was made in love/respect/curiosity, with no intention at all to offend.
– I don’t care if I don’t get it right/perfect/A+ 100% of the time.
– I don’t care if I miss a deadline, or two, or three…
– I don’t care if I don’t have all the answers.

The reality is, I’ve probably made up in my own head negative worrisome stories about how other people are thinking that aren’t even accurate!

So how about you?

– What would you like to take off of your “care” list?
– What would you be relieved to say “no thank you” to?!
– What would you do with the extra energy that comes from that sense of relief?

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Why, Sometimes, You Need To Go Backwards To Move Forward

Last month, my boyfriend and I went on a road trip.  He told me about an awesome “shortcut” that we just had to try out, and, sure enough, we ended up 10 miles down a pothole-ridden, dead-end back road with no cell phone service and an extra 45 minutes added to our drive time.  We drove back down the road, bouncing over dips and craters, me fuming in the passenger’s seat because we were late, and him trying to convince me that it didn’t matter.

Life is exactly like that.  Sometimes, you take a wrong turn; a “shortcut” that takes you way off course, and you realize far too late that the right road was in the opposite direction.  It’s possible that you’ll get lucky, and the right and wrong roads will connect at some point, but more often than not, you need to turn around.  When you’re 10 miles down the wrong path with no directions, going back the way you came can also seem like the wrong way.  But remember – every step backwards is one step closer to the right way.  So, take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and start walking.

What are the circumstances/habits/relationships in your life that would benefit from a turn around?

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Decorating Your Life

Creating your life is like decorating your house. You look around and think, hmmm, that blank wall needs something…what might look good there? And then you get an idea or start looking around at options and, voila, find something. Sometimes you decide to tweak it. Sometimes it’s just perfect right out of the gate.

In the same way, you decorate your life. You notice what you WANT…you get ideas…you explore options…you make choices…you tweak…you enjoy.

What do you WANT today? In your work? In your leisure time? In your relationships?

Happy decorating!

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Do You Ever Beat Yourself Up?

>> If you are going on a 50-mile journey, do you berate yourself at mile 1, and mile 2, and mile 7, and mile 37 because you’re not there yet?

>> If you have planted a garden, do you shame the plants that have not yet flowered?

>> If you are pregnant (or someone you know is!), do you belittle the little being inside for not being ‘finished’ yet?

Many of us are great at shaming ourselves! When we haven’t made enough money, lost enough weight, followed through on a bright idea, churned out every deliverable on time…we start the negative narrative in our heads that says we aren’t enough, weren’t enough, or didn’t get it right.

The reality is, we are always in process. Always. Always. Always. It is never finished. We are never finished. The people around us—clients, team mates, bosses, family members—are never finished.

That lack of finality can be difficult for our brains to be content with. When you experience this sense of discontent, pause, breathe, and revisit a favorite mantra, such as “Life is a gift, not a test.”

Join me today in the invitation to not beat yourself up … and enjoy the journey.

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