Making the Unfamiliar, Familiar

Welcome to a brand new decade! We’re guessing that goals are likely top of mind!

Have you ever thought about your goals as a form of change?

Change is constant, as we all know. And yet it feels easier to embrace change when we’ve chosen it.

You’ve chosen your goals. You want them. You’re inviting change. Which means you’re entering into the land of the new and unfamiliar.

To make change happen, follow Marisa Peer’s advice: “you’ve got to make the familiar unfamiliar, and the unfamiliar familiar.”

Familiar to Unfamiliar

Neuroscientists say that 90-95% of our behavior is unconscious. We don’t think about it. It’s familiar, rote, habit. Maybe procrastination, people-pleasing, and playing small is familiar…unconsciously so.

Here are some examples of taking the “Familiar to Unfamiliar.”

·      If procrastinating is familiar, that behavior needs to become unfamiliar.

·      If people-pleasing is familiar, that needs to become unfamiliar.

·      If playing small is familiar, that needs to become unfamiliar.

You get the idea.

What’s Your Familiar to Unfamiliar?

Here are some simple steps to help bring those unconscious patterns to the forefront. The Behavioral Buckets of Thinking, Emotions, Actions, Triggers, Relationships can bring a level of mindfulness, so that you can begin to rewire important neuropathways for change.

Behavioral Bucket Familiar to Unfamiliar Examples Your Answers
Thinking Limiting beliefs, narrow-focused thinking, scarcity thinking, defensiveness “I think I need a PhD to be taken seriously.”  
Emotions Negative emotions that drag me down Guilt over not being more diligent; fear of failure  
Actions Non-strategic, favorite procrastination actions Checking email, getting lost in social media, alphabetizing my kitchen spice racks  
Triggers/Patterns Derailers … Temptations, over-indulgence (e.g., email or social media) Social media, comparing myself to others  
Relationships Energy vampires, draining relationships, safe yet small relationships My family member who always criticizes me; my neighbor who doesn’t know when to stop talking; my coworker who seems a bit jealous of, or uncomfortable about, my goals  

Fill in your own answers in the empty column above. Ask a bone-marrow friend to offer insights, as well. Once you’ve got some answers written out, face into them gently, and compassionately reflect on them.

Self-Compassion Tip: Every behavior is motivated by a desire to be safe, to feel accepted and valued. If you’re behaving in ways that don’t feel good, chances are you’ve done so to feel safe by not risking rejection … how human of you!

Unfamiliar to Familiar

More important, what’s the “Unfamiliar to Familiar” that would accelerate your goal attainment this year?

·      If you’re unfamiliar with staying focused, that’s what can become familiar.

·      If you’re unfamiliar with accountability, that’s what can become familiar.

·      If you’re unfamiliar with abundance thinking, that’s what can become familiar.

What’s Your Unfamiliar to Familiar?

Next, flesh out your Unfamiliar to Familiar buckets:

Behavioral Bucket Unfamiliar to Familiar Your Answers
Thinking Life-giving beliefs, open-focused thinking, abundance thinking  
Emotions Positive emotions that lift me up  
Actions Strategic, small-step, resilient actions  
Triggers/Patterns “Failure” is simply learning feedback …  
Relationships Bone-marrow buddies, inspiring thinkers, compassionate friends, self-compassion with myself  

Have fun creating all those new neuro-pathways this week, this month, this year, this decade, for this lifetime!

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Speaking of change! The International Coach Federation has unveiled it’s new competency model. Coaches are going from 11 to 8 core competencies. We’re rolling them out in 2020. Come and join us and stay fresh with your coaching skills!

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